Introduction To A Nightmare

This semester is a bit of a mess. I’m trying to stay positive. My life is a bit of a mess. I’m trying to get enough sleep. My success level for both goals looks like a secretly angry Sandra with a fatigue headache.

The first assignment in my speech class was a two minute introduction. No points or grade came with the speech so most of my classmates prepared nothing and their speeches reflected their lack of prep. 

My speech took an hour to write and is pretty alright. I’m sharing it here with you because I can.

Hello, my name is Sandra in case you missed it last week or forgot. No big deal if you forgot, I’m not easily insulted or offended. You’d have to be racist, sexist, ageist, ableist, or a bigot to offend me.

Just for funzies and to kill two minutes because I couldn’t think of anything else to do, let’s do ten things you don’t know about me.

#1. I have ADHD. This is a bit of a hot button issue. I once spent half an hour debating whether or not ADHD was real with some random dude on Tinder. Some people don’t believe in science, and this may not be a popular opinion, but I think you can find more than a handful of those people on Tinder.

#2. My son has two cats. This is not actually a fact about me. This is just me taking the opportunity to tell the story about the time we went to pick up the second kitten and my son wanted to name the kitten John Henry Junior. John Henry is my son’s name. Basically, I did such an amazing job in naming another person that he can’t wait until he has actual human children of his own to bestow that amazing name upon. My son is nine so things could change his opinion before he actually has kids, plus if he has only girls then that’s life, you know.  I’m just letting you all know that I’m doing pretty good for myself all things considered.

#3. I don’t like to talk about myself. I overthink everything plus I do that socially inept thing where I either talk too much or not at all. I’d be a hermit if that was still a thing all the cool kids were doing.

#4. I love food. All food. All the food all the time. If you don’t like bacon or sushi then your opinions about food are meaningless to me. Same for cheesecake. I’m basically a bottomless pit where all the food goes but it’s still not enough because I’m always hungry or at the very least, I could eat.

#5. There is one exception to number four and it goes without saying but I’m saying it anyway because this is number 5. I don’t eat when I have the flu.

#6. I forgot to say what John Henry ended up naming the second cat. He named the cat EnderCat. My son plays Minecraft.

#7. I named the first cat. Her name is Hissy Rawr Kitten. Not to further brag, but I’m a little bit of all right at naming stuff.

#8. I worked at Mitsubishi for two years.

#9. I still haven’t put away my Christmas tree.

#10. I love taking naps. My favorite naps are the naps you take when you should be washing dishes or laundry or doing one of the things on your endless list of things to do before you’re allowed any amount of sleep.


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