Friday night I couldn’t sleep. At all. I stayed up all night, fueled by the notion that my boyfriend secretly wanted me to break up with him. I’ve been here before in a relationship. I’m not shy about letting my partner know when something is bothering me; when an action or inaction is making me feel unloved/insecure.
My brain hurts. My heart hurts. It’s never easy to break up with someone you still want to bang.
I texted him. I couldn’t call. Half the time I call, it goes to voicemail. Every time it goes to voicemail I can’t leave a message; the voicemail box is always full.
Everywhere I looked in that relationship, I saw rejection. Real or imagined, I had to walk away for my peace of mind. It’s the only truth I can trust. It’s the one thing I own that I created with my thoughts, actions, and words. It’s not that strong. It might never be.