When Love Is An Excuse

I’ve been thinking about a proper New Year’s resolution all year. I wanted something hard but simple, but also complex as fuck in a way that would genuinely challenge slash change me as a person. I wanted something that would destroy me and define me at the same exact time.
I know what you’re fucking thinking. I know. I’m ridiculous. Look, mama wants what mama wants. Who doesn’t love a good personal enrichment goal? Amiright?
I bet you can’t guess what I actually choose for my New Years’s resolution. Or maybe you can. You might be psychic. It’s totally possible. I’m not gonna bet you can’t guess on the off chance you might be psychic. Takebacks on the bet. I mean we didn’t shake hands so it doesn’t count.
Cue the fanfare music, pop the confetti guns, drop all the pretty balloons, get excited for the craycray; I’m quitting refined sugar.
Squee!! It’s a game changer. Did you see that shit coming or what?!
I’m still going to eat fruit. I’ll never give up honey. There are more questions about all of this right now than I have actual answers to.
Ive been eating Ice Chips. They’re a candy that’s made with xylitol. I don’t quite understand what xylitol is but according to my half-assed research, it’s better for you than refined sugar. But every time I eat Ice Chips I get brain fog, which is my way of saying I get insta-forgetful and confused.
I’m not going to give up refined sugar cold turkey. I’ve been on a no sugar diet once before. I was UGLY. It was brutal. It was like my life lost the kodachrome, then reverted to black and white. It was also the only time in my life when my brain was completely fog free. My mind was sharp like a really dangerous and intimidating weapon. I wanna say knife but I won’t. Feel free to use your imagination to insert whatever weapon you prefer into this particular metaphor. It’s all about you and what you want right now.
That no sugar diet was impossible though. I couldn’t even have real fruit, it was so strict. All I ever thought about was sugar. That’s a lie. I also thought about how much I hated everyone because they could eat sugar if they wanted to.
I love refined sugar but maybe the feeling isn’t mutual. I don’t think refined sugar is ever going to love me like that. I’m starting to think refined sugar isn’t even capable of loving me back. So as much as it breaks my heart to think about all of the amazing delicious I’ll be giving up, I’m finally ready to move on.
2015 will be the year that I quit my refined sugar addiction.
One day at a time.
Starting tomorrow.
Or the day after that.
Starting soon.
Starting soonish.
Sigh.
Starting now.

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