No Sleep till Bromenn

I had to take my brother to the emergency room tonight. Long boring hospital words’ story short, he has a kidney stone.
Everyone in my immediate family has had a kidney stone. Except me. That’s four out of five people for those of you interested in math facts.
I’d be lying if I said the math doesn’t make me kinda nervous. The odds of me not getting a kidney stone are real bad, yo. I don’t need that heavy, dark cloud hanging over me. It’s not okay.
I’m not worried about my diet. I have a semi-healthy diet. It could be better, but that would mean giving up sugar. Have you ever broken up with sugar before? It fucking sucks. Sugar is the best. Seriously. Sugar makes everything better. You could replace all the water from a swimming pool with sugar and I would think you were the coolest, smartest, most awesomest person ever. We’d be best friends for always. Every single day we’d go swimming in the sugar pool, then we’d have long amazing talks about life and love and everything interesting. Eventually we would marry and our engagement photos would be taken sugarpoolside. Everyone would be jealous of our delicious life together, because, duh.
I know my brother having a kidney stone is not about me. In theory. I get it that he is going to be experiencing major pain in the next few days, and that I should help him. I’m trying. Except I can’t stop humble bragging about how I’ve never had a kidney stone.
Ugh. Whatever. Stop judging me. One out of five is a big fucking deal, okay? I mean, you try being the middle kid in my family. This is the rarely seen win-win-win-win. It’s a beautiful moment so please stop trying to ruin it for me with your negativity. Honestly. Why can’t you be happy for me?


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