Stay alive

Some days getting out of bed is straight up the hardest thing I do. Most days I’m awake by 4:30a.m. It’s dumb.
I’ve been doing it for almost six years now. If you’re thinking that by now I should be used to getting up so early, your brain is broken. Like call the doctor, make an appointment to get that shit checked out broken. Do it now before it’s too late.
You never get used to leaving your bed before the sun has had a chance to get all up in the earth’s business. I’ve witnessed a lifetimes worth of indescribable sunrises. Sunrises that take your breath away with their beauty and make all the big descriptioney words you know sound childish and insufficient.
Pro tip, sunrises are always amazeballs, but not actually worth the hassle. If you’re already up because you have to be they are such a half-chub of a bonus, but they’re not worth actually getting it up all the way.
In fact, if you pay any attention to the details in life that really matter, you’d know that there is nothing worth getting out of bed for. I repeat. NOTHING is worth getting out of bed for. Bedtime is the best time ever.
Right now I have four days off of work after working over 50 hours a week, six days a week, for almost two months. I’m clearly a workaholic. This is day two of my forced time off. I hate it. So much. My schedule is off so I’m off my game. Being off my game makes me such a hater. Of everyone. And everything. See also everyone and everything ever sucks so much.
I don’t want to be a hater. I want us all to get along. For hardcore reals. I want to like you and I want to pretend to care that whether or not you liking me matters to me as a friendly gesture to spare your feelings. But I don’t and I can’t.
I’m in this fog where all of my energy is spent not losing my purse, phone, keys, and sanity. Just kidding about that last one. Sanity is for boring people, amiright?
This morning I woke up two hours late according to my normal work schedule. Then I went Black Friday shopping. Then I lost about 100 dollars. I have no idea why, what, when, or how it happened. I hate myself to the extreme right now. I’m trying to get into a mental state where what happened is acceptable to me. It’s working, but not really. I just keep thinking, if only I’d stayed in bed all day none of this would of happened.
But then I would not have snagged the kickass TMNT christmas sweatshirt I’m about to move into for the next month. It’s going to be so epic!!!
I mean nothing is worth getting out of bed for. All of your problems in life could be directly solved by never getting out of bed pretty much ever. It’s probably totally nicer to die in your bed than anywhere else you could die that isn’t in your bed. Except water. I hear drowning is the most peaceful way to die. This is not my personal endorsement of water beds though. Don’t get a water bed. You do not have my permission to get a water bed. Just saying.
Again, nothing is worth getting out of bed for. Can’t stress that enough. But if you could see me in my new TMNT christmas sweatshirt you would think the same thing I think every time I look at myself in the mirror. It’s not worth it, but it really fucking helps.

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