Hey 2014, it’s not always about you

My iPhone totally turned into an expensive piece of shit last year. I’m always trying to blame it on someone else, but I’m the reason why we can’t have nice things. If I wanted it to stay nice i should of let someone else buy it. Not that you care.
New Years is one of my favorite holidays. I mean it’s supposed to be one day but people start celebrating on the 31st. It’s a two day holiday. Those are the best ones. I just love celebrating.
Plus, resolutions are my fucking jam. I love making resolutions and then succeeding(rarely but more accurately never) or giving up slash forgetting my resolutions less than a week into January. Then I find the list in October or November. But how much change can a person expect to accomplish during the holidays!? There’s already enough stress. Quitting smoking right before Thanksgiving is bananas. The sensible thing is to try again next year.
I like going through my old lists to see on paper the sum total of all of the things I have failed at accomplishing with my life. It always makes me giggle.
It also makes me feel bad about what a horrible slacker I am.
Sometimes it sets off an internal loop of self-hate. I mean how is it that I can have learn to knit on the list for five years and I still don’t know how to fucking knit? I think i bought a book once. Maybe?
Lists are fun. Lists are never boring.
So prepare yourself for my list of resolutions for 2014. Because I’m going to type them out here for all to see. Except I like to pretend no one reads this blog. It keeps me honest and it makes the fear beast deep inside sleepy and quiet.
1. Become an election judge.
2. Keep bees.
3. Stop making fun of Blake for being a person of restricted growth.
4. Beat Blake’s total number of Snapchat snapchats.
5. Quit caffeine.
6. Requit smoking.
7. Finally get down to Wii Fit’s suggested healthy weight of 129 pounds.
8. Update my blog weekly or have 52 posts in 2014.
9. Get in the habit of washing my face every single day.
10. Take my ADD medicine on a regular basis even though I am beginning to suspect it’s making me soft.
Soft like nice, polite, considerate and accommodating of other people’s feelings. I pay attention to the things people say to me more often. I fucking think about the things people say to me. I want to be helpful and I want them to be happy. I try not to say things I suspect will hurt them. I choose my words carefully around people that I know are sensitive. It’s like my words are bombs and I don’t want to drop bombs.
At least I still don’t give a shit what people think about me and whether or not they like me.
I just seem to be changing lately. It’s small but I feel it. I’m nice. Not always but sometimes. Like I wake up from my brain fog and instead of being awesome sometimes I’m soft.

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