Can’t Stop Want to Stop Coughing

I’ve been sick for two weeks now. No fever. Just an average raspy “rode hard put away wet” phone sex operator voice with some mild sneezing that may or may not be a direct challenge to my bladder control. Also, I can’t stop coughing. Sometimes I cough up things that should never be inside a human. Big green violent chunks of unacceptable.
This is not a symptom of my sick but my farts are epic masterpieces of nastyness and toxic stench right now. I don’t know why the foulest odor possible to be released from an asshole makes me feel so satisfied and complete. I love my farts like they are scented air babies brought by the stank stork for me to love and nurture always and forever.
Sometimes I cough so hard I start farting and then I get this “uh oh, oh nono” feeling like maybe some of the farting was more than farting. But so far it’s been all good in my downstairs outback neighborhood.
What I’m trying to say is I don’t feel up to the challenge so instead of writing the world’s greatest blog post ever, which is what we all know you deserve, I’ve decided to phone today’s entry in from my bog of eternal stench bed. You’re welcome.

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